Changes

Just feel that a lot of things have changed now.....

Environment changed,
People changed,
Friends changed....

Alright. I am emo again. Not good.

Just now, I went to flip through my previous posts, those written last year. Mostly about the friendship.

I am just feeling sad that everything have changed now....

He used to knock my head, now knocking hers.....
He used to tease and laugh at how stupid I am, now he laughs at her.....
He used to accompany me wherever I go, now accompanying her.....
He used to help me to carry my books, now helping to carry hers....
He used to share his problems with me, now sharing with her.....
He used to worry about me when I am down, now worrying about her....
He used to chat with me when we are free, now chatting with her.....
He used to teach me stuff, now teaching her.....
He used to be a really really best friend to me, now her bf.....

I know that it's great for him now for having a gf. I am not blaming anyone.I am not blaming him for having a gf, for staying away from me.

But why everyone else keep insisting that nothing has changed, that the friendship never change? And insisting that I am the one thinking too much?

Am I thinking too much?
Or people are just too sien with my emo and simply say anything just to layan me?
Have they really tried to understand me? Instead of complaining nonstop that I am too emo and difficult to be understood?
Why? Oh why? Even the closest friends that we both had could not understand how I feel now.

Not that I do not want to believe. But how to believe if you are going through it yourself. And you are experiencing it every day, every moment, every second.

I am not boycotting anyone. I am just feeling uncomfortable to be around. I still feel like an unwelcomed person in the group. I still think that they, well, especially her, do not wish me to interfere in their friendship, or to be more specific, their relationship.

I think this is the best way for all of us now. Perhaps.
That I joined the other gang, joined other people, laugh together with them, it somehow made me feel happier and forget about the couple for a while.

For those who still think that they cannot understand me, let it be.
I do not want to explain anymore. I do not want to defend myself anymore.
If others have already set their mind, it's useless and pointless to argue much with them. Everyone is just being too stubborn to listen to the others.

I have accepted this reality even before I entered INTEC. When I started to trust in everlasting friendship, it once again dissapointed me.....

Alright alright. Enough complain and being so self pity.

Cheer up Amy! Just take it step by step and you will adapt soon. Hopefully.