Conviction

I have been trying to live out a "good Christian life". But seriously, what is a" good Christian life"? Who has the right to define that?

Does it mean reading bible every day? Witnessing to people? Be a really nice, patient person? And not easily angered??

This week has been hard for me. To live a "good Christian life".

I am impatient. I am angry. I tried to be nice but failed anyway. I am afraid to fell back to the way I was (you have no idea how I treated people back then and NO, I don't want to be that person again).

And this morning at church, I am convicted.

At that instant, I know what went wrong with me.

All this while, I am doing things on my own and not with the will of God. Unrealized of what's been going on, I had slowly shut the door for God's presence to come in.

I have to be really honest to myself that,
I have let pride to overcome me.

I want to look good on the outside, but deep down inside, I am being teared apart into pieces....

I am looking at this world with my eyes, not with the eyes of God. I am doing things in my own way, not with God's way. I am chasing after things in this world, not the treasures in heavenly realm.

I want to look strong and mature,
but really, I am still weak.

Never will I be strong without the grace of God. I need Him. It will never be enough.

"zeal without wisdom won't work"
And this wisdom comes from God.


(this is such a messy post)