Things will be fine... Will they?

Written on May 1st, right after BTN.....

Yep yep.... Just came back from the tiring BTN camp… It’s such a TORTURE!!!

And the worst is, the LINE THERE IS SO SO POOR!!! I can hardly contact anyone. I could not even contact my dear and family due to the unstable connection.

I have so many things to worry about, things waiting for me to settle, but I was not there to handle all of them. Seriously, I have been in a very unstable state (emotionally) when I was in the BTN. My mood swings. I laughed and cried. I screamed in my heart:

WHY??? WHY MUST BTN SCHEDULED TO BE THIS WEEK?? WHY MUST I ATTEND THE CAMP AT THIS MOMENT???

I am damn worry about Purdue. There’s still some mistake in my admission offer. I am so afraid that I could not make it there. I even doubt if this is the right choice, the right university, the right place for me.

For your information, there were no friends going to Purdue with me. Yeah. I mean it when I said I am going on my own, without friends, without support, even without the agreement from both of my parents. They do not agree with my decision, thinking that it is just too risky and dangerous for a girl to go so far away on her own. Nevertheless, I hold on. I believe on my own ability that I will go through all these just fine. It will work out fine. And in fact, I believe that this is the right destiny for me. I don’t know, I just feel that Purdue is the dream I should pursue no matter how hard it could be.

Yes… I am scared. Who is not when they are going to face all the challenges on their own? Waking up in the middle of the night, thinking about the future, yet, don’t know who to depend on, don’t know what to do? In the end, worries just creep in and fill through every limb of the body and finally, tears roll out of the empty eyes uncontrollable.

Sometimes, I wonder, is my problem that serious? Why would I need to be that worry? Just like what people say, maybe it is not as serious as I thought. But yet, I could not help but continue to worry about it. I bet no one will ever understand this feeling. So afraid. So lonely. Path that we have dreamed to walk together, now, leaving me behind, holding on the dream.

Yeh… things have changed for the better now. I found a companion, in fact, a few to go with me…. At least I am not alone anymore….

But, there’s still some circumstances in front of me which try to block my way. I tried and will keep on trying to break down all the walls which hinder me away from what I want to achieve.

Dear friends, please pray for me that the matter will be settled soon. And thanks for those who have been very supportive, even if you thought you did not help much but I tell you what, offering a tissue to wipe out my tears or a shoulder for me to cry on is already enough to warm my heart. Thank you.

written on May 4th.....

Yea yea yea yea YEAH!!!!!!

Today is the best day ever since the Purdue incident…

Guess what? They got my status changed for me! Oh yea! Finally!!!! I am so so relieve now… I am so so happy!!!!

I knew, yea, I knew that everything will just be fine… Everything will be perfect if you have faith!!!

HOORAY!!!!

Oh oh… And I went out today… Ate sakae sushi and bought a new pair of slippers… The one I bought was just too tight and it hurts my feet…