Most of the time, one becomes very passionate when their prayers are answered, their difficulties are solved, when they see the Lord's working in their lives.
But when there's nothing? The fire dies... The passion's gone... And they return to the world, either consciously or unconsciously.
The fire of passion that had been burning in my heart is dying...
I cannot deny that.
And I am afraid of it.
I still love the world so so much. I long to be accepted by the world.
Jesus said, "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." --Matthew 16:24
The thing is, I am still afraid of being different from the world. I am still afraid of how my friends will see me. I am easily angered when people gossip behind my back, saying all the false things. I am frustrated when I ruin things and make God look like a mean God to nonbelievers.
I know I am no one to control what's coming and what's going to happen. It's in His hand.
Realizing all these things make me feel like such a weak person. I hate the feeling. But that's exactly why I need Him.
2011.
I pray that He will grant me the grace to learn to say "NO" to my own desires and "YES" to His will. To listen to His whisper in the midst of the world's deceiving voices (caused by the enemies).
1 comment:
Hi Miss Amy! Your post tugged at my heart.
I totally know the feeling of burning out - the problem comes when we don't have enough intimacy gained from time with God! if we know Him intimately, we won't burn out in the times when He seems distant because the love and intimacy we have with Him will carry us through it! Getting to know Him on a personal level keeps us burning with passion. (intimacy = oil; Matt 25:1-12) Don't be afraid of it! No condemnation! No guilt! Just ask the Lord to reveal Himself in a more intimate way as you spend time with Him <3
I also know how it feels to love the world and to feel its tug and to want to return to it! I also struggle with being different from the world - afraid of rejection. I also struggle with getting angry and frustrated. It's hard to give it over to God and let it go. The more intimacy we have with Jesus, the easier this will get because we will love Him so much that we will WANT to let these things go because we know that they do not make Him happy :)
Don't worry about disappointing God - there's so much grace for us! we mess up ALL THE TIME, but God doesn't love us any less. We just repent and turn back to Him with confidence in His love, and then we have a brand new start! He is SO patient. He's not waiting to punish us, and He's not angry with us. He values our honesty with Him. It's okay to tell Him that you still long for the world and need His help to long for Him instead!
Being weak is SO GOOD. in fact, God can't do anything with us until we are weak! (2Cr 12:9) In our weakness, our pride gets out of the way, and then God can give us grace! (James 4:6)
I know it doesn't seem like it, but you're in SUCH a good place, girl! Your heart is so open and vulnerable with Him. You realize your flaws and weaknesses! This means that you can turn to God and ask for His help, and He is so excited - waiting for your request! He wants to help but won't force Himself on you. He's so happy with your broken heart - it shows that you truly care about Him - otherwise you wouldn't care about these things that you just wrote about. You're showing Him your love for Him through your brokenness.
Sorry this is so long! I love you i love you i love you! I hope this comment blesses you - these are just some revelations that have helped me in the past few months, so I thought I'd share. Have a good week, pretty princess :)
<3
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